How to Support Your Child Through Challenging Behaviors (From Birth to Pre-Teen)

Every child has tough moments—but that doesn’t mean parenting has to feel impossible.

This guide from Connecticut Children’s Amy Signore, pediatric psychologist, and Sasha Conley, PsyD student, breaks down easy, effective ways to help your child grow, listen, and feel loved—whether they’re a baby or a pre-teen.

Reflect on Your Parenting Style

Your parenting style comes from how you were raised, what feels right to you, and the advice you’ve picked up along the way. Ask yourself:

What kind of relationship do I want with my child
What should I keep or change from how I was raised?

Being mindful in your approach helps you stay calm and consistent during tough times.

Model How to Manage Big Emotions

Kids watch how you handle stress. If you can stay calm, they’ll learn how to calm down, too.

Try this:

•    Take deep breaths before responding
•    Ask for help when you’re overwhelmed
•    Say sorry when needed—this builds trust

>>Related: Explore our mental health and wellness toolkit backed by pediatric experts

Be Their Safe Place—At Every Age

Babies need constant support, and that’s OK—you can’t spoil a baby! As children grow, they’ll keep looking to you when they’re scared or trying something new. That means they feel safe.

Kids who feel secure take more healthy risks and build stronger relationships.

>>Everyone has the ability to learn new skills. Raise kids with a growth mindset.

Boost Self-Esteem With Your Attention

Even 15 minutes of focused attention a day—playing, reading, or talking—can boost your child’s mental health. Saying “yes” when they ask to play (even sometimes!) shows them they are lovable and worth your time.

Praise Positive Behavior

Catch your child being good and say something! Praise helps reinforce:

•    Being kind or polite
•    Finishing homework
•    Playing calmly

Create Clear, Simple Rules

Clear rules help everyone know what to expect. Use “if-then” statements like:

“If you stay with me in the store, then you can pick out a small treat.”

Keep rules short and age-appropriate. Start small so your child can succeed.

Use Reward the Right Way

Rewards motivate kids—when they aren’t always available.

Tips for success:

Save special toys or screen time for when rules are followed
Keep rewards in a parent-only spot
Give rewards right after good behavior

Consequences That Teach, Not Scare

Spanking and yelling may stop behavior in the moment, but they teach kids to react with anger. Try instead:

Time-outs for aggression
Ignoring whining
Removing toys or screen time briefly

Give the consequence soon after the behavior. It’s normal for things to get worse before they improve—stick with it!

Handle Tantrums with Calm and Safety

Tantrums happen—especially when kids can’t express what they need. Prevent them by:

Sticking to routines
Offering snacks, naps, and time to run and play

During a tantrum:

Acknowledge their feelings: “You’re upset because you wanted that toy.”
Remove unsafe objects or give space to cool down
If needed, call 2-1-1 for support (in CT or MA)

>>Here are ways to handle toddler tantrums like a champ

Set Healthy Limits on Screen Time

The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommends:

No screen time under 2
Up to 1 hour/day for ages 2–5
Help older kids create balanced screen habits

Boredom is OK—it builds creativity. Try these screen-free activities:

Building blocks and art supplies
Library visits and story time
Nature walks and sports
Simple chores to build responsibility

>>Related: 7 achievable ways to reduce screen time

Keep It Simple, Loving, and Consistent

You don’t need to be a perfect parent. But when you set clear rules, give loving praise, and stay calm in tough moments, you’re helping your child grow into a kind, confident person.